About Now Part 2

Sometimes I think it'd be easier not to get married.

Not because I don't love Trent.

Not because I think I'm making a mistake.

I love Trent.

And I've never been more sure of anything in my life than of marrying him.

But I've been so frustrated with everything.

I feel like I live in an alternate universe.

On one side, 

I'm this college student soon to graduate

with classes that are kicking my butt

and feeling like I can never do enough

and getting down on myself,

feeling I can't talk to anybody,

On the other side,

I'm engaged and planning a wedding,

my parents are in Peru so it's not like I have my mom helping,

Trent tries to help but he's a boy,

so there's so much he can do.

I don't want to bother my roommates with my crap,

so I don't let them see how not okay I am sometimes.

but I'm so frustrated and so aware of my faults a lot.

And if I was not getting married,

I'd still be frustrated but it'd be one less thing to worry about.

Sometimes I feel so lonely.

Trent's a great help though.

He lets me vent to him when I need it.

He lets me cry on his shoulder when I just can't handle anymore.

He hugs me until I feel better.

And he puts me and my well-being in front of everything else.

I don't know how I would handle this without him.

I'm just tired and overwhelmed.

But I will get through this.

I will graduate.

And I will plan my wedding.

And I will be married to the best person in the world.