Sometimes I think it'd be easier not to get married.
Not because I don't love Trent.
Not because I think I'm making a mistake.
I love Trent.
And I've never been more sure of anything in my life than of marrying him.
But I've been so frustrated with everything.
I feel like I live in an alternate universe.
On one side,
I'm this college student soon to graduate
with classes that are kicking my butt
and feeling like I can never do enough
and getting down on myself,
feeling I can't talk to anybody,
On the other side,
I'm engaged and planning a wedding,
my parents are in Peru so it's not like I have my mom helping,
Trent tries to help but he's a boy,
so there's so much he can do.
I don't want to bother my roommates with my crap,
so I don't let them see how not okay I am sometimes.
but I'm so frustrated and so aware of my faults a lot.
And if I was not getting married,
I'd still be frustrated but it'd be one less thing to worry about.
Sometimes I feel so lonely.
Trent's a great help though.
He lets me vent to him when I need it.
He lets me cry on his shoulder when I just can't handle anymore.
He hugs me until I feel better.
And he puts me and my well-being in front of everything else.
I don't know how I would handle this without him.
I'm just tired and overwhelmed.
But I will get through this.
I will graduate.
And I will plan my wedding.
And I will be married to the best person in the world.
