The "L" word

Currently listening: Ain't no Reason by Brett Dennen

There's a word that I can never really use, unless in a sarcastic way. It is the L world... love. I have never really meant it. This is a Spanish lesson. In Spanish we have two words for love: Querer and Amar. Saying I love you is Te quiero or Te amo. You can say Te quiero to a friend, but Te amo is probably the phrase I am most scared of. I haven't even said it to my parents, not because I don't feel it, but because the "L" word or in Spanish the "A" word, really freaks me out. It is too strong for me.

I had a boyfriend once. I told him I loved him, but I don't think I really meant it, not the Spanish way at least. I know this makes me look like an insensitive person, but I'm really not. I have a strong will to love someone, to really love, to be able to say and mean the L word. And to feel it in Spanish too. Maybe one day I will. Because I believe that's all I need to feel complete... and to feel I've done everything I could in my life.

And maybe, when I'm able to say I love you, even if I say it in English, but I know that I mean it in Spanish too; and maybe if the someone I tell it to feels the same way, then maybe, maybe that day I'll know that those words are everything I always needed to hear.