I was scared when I took this midterm and I decided to relate my essay to my life.
It was a risky choice.
But I like taking risks.
We just got the Midterms back today.
And I got an A.
And I think it's worth publishing on the blog.
English 380 Midterm Essay
Given Topic: Friendship
My therapist told me that in order to be a normal balanced person you need to have a support system. I always believed I could do everything on my own and that I didn't need anyone to hold my hand because that was a sign of weakness. I grew up isolating myself from everyone because I thought it was safer to be alone, to not worry about anyone betraying you and to be one with yourself. I always thought I had a good life and that friends and support systems were for losers who couldn't handle themselves and their problems. There was no power or importance of friendship in my life and I could have written a whole paper against Orson Scott Card and Ursula LeGuin's ideas.
Comparing this to what we've read I can say I was in the position of Mr. Biswas, surrounded by people without really trusting anyone, following his own ideals and trying to fulfill his dream of having a house without the help and support of his wife Shama, who only knew to complain, and his kids who were too scared to talk to him. Mr. Biswas didn't let that bother him, he kept going with his plan of building his house. The beginning of Mr. Biswas doesn't show that human unity is at all important, Mr. Biswas seems to be doing okay, his plans are working and he's finding ways of building his house whether Shama approves of it or not.
After some time I was diagnosed with depression and I started taking medication for it. I couldn't stop thinking I was crazy, I felt like I was an insane person and decided to even isolate myself more than before. I didn't need to go crying to anyone about my problems, I didn't even talk about it to my professors at school and that usually meant I would miss class for long periods of time and I never had an excuse so my grades were low.
In this specific situation I compare myself to Saleem in Midnight's Children. After his dad hits him for hearing voices in his head--for having something that made him different from others--he decides to keep his "gift" to himself and to cope on his own, to try to get on with his life controlling what was going on without anyone by his side. Saleem didn't need another human being until he meets the Midnight's Children but even then, he didn't trust the children, he didn't consider them friends at all. They were all a team, somewhat like classmates, or people that go to the same ward. There was something that they all had in common but it wasn't big enough to make them friends.
Life goes wrong when you least expect it, and when one thing is not working out, it is very possible that other aspects of life will also start to bring us trouble. After a while of coping on my own with the newly found depression, some situations in my life brought me to believe there was no way out and I overdosed. My family was not with me. I didn't have any close friends. I didn't even have a therapist. I don't think I've ever been that close to death and I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life. I heard voices--like Mr. Biswas and Saleem--and my vision went blurry, I thought I was gone. Fortunately, I didn't die and I had been scared enough to start looking for help outside of myself. I confessed that I had a problem to a guy named Brian who I worked with and who became my friend. Things happened and we ended up having irreconcilable differences and each of us went their own way and stopped being friends.
This part of the story is similar to Hector and Achille in Omeros. Even though it's not very clear in the poem, it is possible to imagine that they were friends before Helen appeared in their lives. They were both fishermen and liked traveling in their canoes and go places. When Helen appears into their lives, she is more important to them than their friendship or any bond they had with each other. She becomes the reason their unity becomes disunity to the point that they fight with each other and go their separate ways. In Hector's funeral, Achille laments losing his friends and if he could I think he wouldn't let Helen come between them. Both Hector and Achille had very unfulfilled lives even though one of them had Helen.
Even though Brian and I ended up like Hector and Achille, I had learned my lesson, just like Achille did. I started to build my support system and I stopped being so self-conscious about my depression. I started going to a therapist and I started making friends. To have human unity, truth is necessary, one cannot build a friendship based on lies. The people one considers friends need to know the most important things about you so they are prepared to help you if you ever need help. It is always frightening to confess to people that there are things that are different about you that they probably don't know about. Sometimes they'll turn their backs on you--like Gollum when he killed his friend for the Ring--and sometimes they will be there for you, whether you want them to or not--like Frodo and Sam.
Frodo and Sam in Return of the King are the most pure example of friendship there can be, the most realistic one and the one Scott Card and LeGuin were referring to. The friendship might start slow, like Saleem and Padma. Saleem didn't trust Padma very much at the beginning and he didn't give her enough credit, which ended up pushing her away. Because of the love she had for him, whether or not it was romantic, she comes back. I like to think that if Saleem hadn't died, Padma would have helped him become a balanced person in social settings. Frodo and Sam knew enough about each other, Frodo even tried to keep the ring for himself and got mad at Sam many times. Sam responded like a true friend would "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." Friends can't carry our burdens for us, burdens are not a ring that hangs from our necks and that we can pass around if it gets too heavy, but friends can lift us up if we ever need help from people. Everyone needs a support system, everyone needs people around.
Colonialism is very against friendship and human relationships. Colonialism was all about conquering and exerting dominance over a weaker nation, which caused many ruptures in human relationships and trust in your fellow men. I believe all the English authors and the international authors of the time were focusing on friendship and on support systems. They wanted to express that the way to succeed in any aspect of life is not by controlling other people: it's by leaning on other people, because that is the only way you can find home in a far away place, may it be Mordor, or Provo, UT.
0 comments:
Post a Comment