My Letter to A Friend Vol.1 Iss.2

Thursdays are going to be letters-to-friends (LTF) days.

This one goes for a wonderful friend that understands me very well.

A friend that I know I can talk to.

A friend that makes me laugh.

A friend that makes me feel like I'm important.

Dear Friend,

Thanks for being ready to text me back. Thanks for always giving me nice comments and for making me feel that I have made a difference in your life. I haven't known you for too long but I'm so grateful for you. You were definitely an answer to my prayers. I feel so at ease when I talk to you and I feel like I can tell you anything. You are so beautiful and so like me that whenever I see you I can't help but wonder how I was so lucky to become one of your friends. Thanks for being such an amazing friend and for making me feel like I'm also a blessing in your life. Sometimes I just need to feel there's someone in the world who cares about me--someone who likes me and someone who will value me for who I am and not for who I can't be. If I try extra hard to not show how messed up I am inside is because I want to be someone you want to have around you. I guess what I want to say is thanks for being you.

Love,

Nadia

My Best Short Story

I'm really proud of this story.

I wrote it about a year ago but I just revised it and made it more understandable.

It's long so I'm attaching the link to go to the document.

WARNING 

It's deep and it could be disturbing to some people.

Consider yourself warned.

Feel free to give me feedback.

I would actually appreciate it a lot.

A LOT. A LOT.

Down In A Rabbit Hole

Thanks :)

My Countdown

I got my Harry Potter tickets on Tuesday.

I'm going to the midnight showing at the Gateway.

I know, all the way to Salt Lake.

But it will be so worth it because the theater is awwwesooome.

Can't wait!

My Letter to A Friend Vol.1 Iss.1

This is a new thing I'm trying.

I'm writing a letter to a specific person each week.

Today that person is someone who listened to me

and saw me crying and made me smile.

Dear Friend,

Thanks for today. I was a mess. I don't know how you were able to look at me and stay there with me attacking you and being so defensive. Having you there was reassuring, especially because I was expecting you to leave and run for your life. People tend to do that. I hope you know I have stopped testing you, you don't need to be tested. You have done enough already to show me you are a good friend and I appreciate you for it (English doesn't help very much. I guess I want to say "te quiero por eso"). I know I said I wished I had "not come back" two years ago. But now that I think about it, maybe there was a reason for me to still be here. Maybe I needed to meet you. We haven't been friends for too long but I feel like I've known you forever. I don't know if I'm any good or if I've done anything to help you or anything big like you have, but I really do care about you. Thanks for being so patient with me and for not running away. That's all I can say. Thank you making me smile, I kinda like it when I do. Thanks for telling me I'm cute even though I don't believe it. Thanks for being a great friend. I guess what I want to say is thanks for being you.

Love,

Nadia

See? I'm smiling.

Plus I totally did well on my midterm.

My English Essay that got an A

I was scared when I took this midterm and I decided to relate my essay to my life.

It was a risky choice.

But I like taking risks.

We just got the Midterms back today.

And I got an A.

And I think it's worth publishing on the blog.

English 380 Midterm Essay

Given Topic: Friendship

My therapist told me that in order to be a normal balanced person you need to have a support system. I always believed I could do everything on my own and that I didn't need anyone to hold my hand because that was a sign of weakness. I grew up isolating myself from everyone because I thought it was safer to be alone, to not worry about anyone betraying you and to be one with yourself. I always thought I had a good life and that friends and support systems were for losers who couldn't handle themselves and their problems. There was no power or importance of friendship in my life and I could have written a whole paper against Orson Scott Card and Ursula LeGuin's ideas.

Comparing this to what we've read I can say I was in the position of Mr. Biswas, surrounded by people without really trusting anyone, following his own ideals and trying to fulfill his dream of having a house without the help and support of his wife Shama, who only knew to complain, and his kids who were too scared to talk to him. Mr. Biswas didn't let that bother him, he kept going with his plan of building his house. The beginning of Mr. Biswas doesn't show that human unity is at all important, Mr. Biswas seems to be doing okay, his plans are working and he's finding ways of building his house whether Shama approves of it or not.

After some time I was diagnosed with depression and I started taking medication for it. I couldn't stop thinking I was crazy, I felt like I was an insane person and decided to even isolate myself more than before. I didn't need to go crying to anyone about my problems, I didn't even talk about it to my professors at school and that usually meant I would miss class for long periods of time and I never had an excuse so my grades were low.

In this specific situation I compare myself to Saleem in Midnight's Children. After his dad hits him for hearing voices in his head--for having something that made him different from others--he decides to keep his "gift" to himself and to cope on his own, to try to get on with his life controlling what was going on without anyone by his side. Saleem didn't need another human being until he meets the Midnight's Children but even then, he didn't trust the children, he didn't consider them friends at all. They were all a team, somewhat like classmates, or people that go to the same ward. There was something that they all had in common but it wasn't big enough to make them friends.

Life goes wrong when you least expect it, and when one thing is not working out, it is very possible that other aspects of life will also start to bring us trouble. After a while of coping on my own with the newly found depression, some situations in my life brought me to believe there was no way out and I overdosed. My family was not with me. I didn't have any close friends. I didn't even have a therapist. I don't think I've ever been that close to death and I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life. I heard voices--like Mr. Biswas and Saleem--and my vision went blurry, I thought I was gone. Fortunately, I didn't die and I had been scared enough to start looking for help outside of myself. I confessed that I had a problem to a guy named Brian who I worked with and who became my friend. Things happened and we ended up having irreconcilable differences and each of us went their own way and stopped being friends.

This part of the story is similar to Hector and Achille in Omeros. Even though it's not very clear in the poem, it is possible to imagine that they were friends before Helen appeared in their lives. They were both fishermen and liked traveling in their canoes and go places. When Helen appears into their lives, she is more important to them than their friendship or any bond they had with each other. She becomes the reason their unity becomes disunity to the point that they fight with each other and go their separate ways. In Hector's funeral, Achille laments losing his friends and if he could I think he wouldn't let Helen come between them. Both Hector and Achille had very unfulfilled lives even though one of them had Helen.

Even though Brian and I ended up like Hector and Achille, I had learned my lesson, just like Achille did. I started to build my support system and I stopped being so self-conscious about my depression. I started going to a therapist and I started making friends. To have human unity, truth is necessary, one cannot build a friendship based on lies. The people one considers friends need to know the most important things about you so they are prepared to help you if you ever need help. It is always frightening to confess to people that there are things that are different about you that they probably don't know about. Sometimes they'll turn their backs on you--like Gollum when he killed his friend for the Ring--and sometimes they will be there for you, whether you want them to or not--like Frodo and Sam.

Frodo and Sam in Return of the King are the most pure example of friendship there can be, the most realistic one and the one Scott Card and LeGuin were referring to. The friendship might start slow, like Saleem and Padma. Saleem didn't trust Padma very much at the beginning and he didn't give her enough credit, which ended up pushing her away. Because of the love she had for him, whether or not it was romantic, she comes back. I like to think that if Saleem hadn't died, Padma would have helped him become a balanced person in social settings. Frodo and Sam knew enough about each other, Frodo even tried to keep the ring for himself and got mad at Sam many times. Sam responded like a true friend would "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." Friends can't carry our burdens for us, burdens are not a ring that hangs from our necks and that we can pass around if it gets too heavy, but friends can lift us up if we ever need help from people. Everyone needs a support system, everyone needs people around.

Colonialism is very against friendship and human relationships. Colonialism was all about conquering and exerting dominance over a weaker nation, which caused many ruptures in human relationships and trust in your fellow men. I believe all the English authors and the international authors of the time were focusing on friendship and on support systems. They wanted to express that the way to succeed in any aspect of life is not by controlling other people: it's by leaning on other people, because that is the only way you can find home in a far away place, may it be Mordor, or Provo, UT.

My Don't Read. Seriously Don't Read.

You ignore warnings?

Right now I wish I had never ever met you!

My Cheesy Wish

I like drawing.

One thing that I've always wanted to draw,

but I've never been able to is this:

Can anything be more reassuring than someone holding someone else's hand?

I wish one day I can draw a pair of holding hands.

Because they fill me with a feeling of tenderness.

Sigh.

My Next Weekend

For all you nay-sayers,

specially one person named Nadia

--that would be me--

I have news.

I have a date on Saturday!

Yes, believe it people.

Nadia Reategui has a date.

With a cute guy named Mykel.

But--since I suck at first dates

We'll see how it goes.

Ben told me I just need to be myself.

"No guy is too cute for you." He said.

Aww, Benny Bear.

This is Benny Bear. Meet him.

My Heartfelt Post

I always say God sends me hard trials.

He makes me go through really crappy stuff.

Because He knows I can take it.

But what I forget to say sometimes,

is that I wouldn't do it without people.

I usually push them away.

I usually isolate myself because I find it safer to be alone.

But I've gone through some sticky wickets lately.

Some really crappy stuff.

And I wouldn't have done it without these people.

Spencer

"If I were a girl or actually related to you, I would give you a hug." 

The brother I never had but always wanted.

He's a very important part of my support system.

If I couldn't talk to him,

if he didn't listen to me...
He listens. He cares.

He makes me laugh.

Sometimes that's all you need.

Brianna

"You can cry all you want. I'll be home and you can cry on my shoulder."

She's like a little sister to me.

She likes watching movies.

Ice cream.

Girl talk.

And texting.

I know I can always text her about anything.

I know she'll reply. I trust her.

Sometimes you really just need someone to hold you while you cry.

Jane

"We're not putting up with you. We're just being here for you."

I wanted a good roommate.

I had an awesome year being roommates with Britt 

but I had an awful summer roommate experience.

I wanted more than a roommate.

I wanted a friend--like Britt.

And God sent Jane to me.

She's the female version of Spencer, kinda.

She always makes me laugh.

She's so sweet and so spiritual.

Always makes me feel loved.

Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're worth it.

Christine

 I am sad Christine is usually at work when I'm at home.

But she's a great roommate.

She's so direct and so spot on.

Sometimes you just need someone to side with you.

Whatever happens.

And she has the most honest smile ever.

Sometimes you just need to see a friendly smile.

And last but not least.
This Scripture was comforting.

Alma 31:31
"O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people" 

God is always there.
Whatever happens.
Just let Him help you.

My Question

Why are we even able to dream?

My New Pets, Conference and the Quote Board

Jane's grandma sent me a little present.

Jane thought I wouldn't like it.

But I love it!

Meet our new pets:

Ravens!

Aren't they legit?!

Severus and Sirius.

Jane and I named them, we're that cool.

Some pretty pictures:

This is a really cute Nadia ready to go to Conference.

These are cute Nadia and Bri having fun with the camera.

Shoe Shot for sure!

Conference Center! Yay!

Oh, please check these out.

Jane and I are the funniest roommates EVER.

We're so random, we were just meant to share a room.

Please LOL with us.

Jane: "My grandma gave me this. But I'm always worried about the stuff that she gives me..."

Nadia: "I liked the talk on addiction. I might be addicted to Facebook."
Jane: "I think sometimes I'm addicted to sugar."

Nadia: "Christine and Bri are better with boys but our room has more funny quotes."
Jane: "'Cause we're weird! That's why boys don't like us!"

Jane: "Nadia, why are we weird?"
Nadia: "I don't know..."
Jane: "No! We need to repent!"

Nadia: "You talk in your sleep!"
Jane: "You do too! I bet we have like a party while we sleep and we're like 'Hey! Pass the salsa!'"

Jane: "I'm telepathetic!"

Jane: "Booty Call!"

Jane: "OMG! I smell sooo good!"

Nadia: Ward Choir is social suicide!"

Bri: "I look like a burrito."

Nadia: "I wanna look like a burrito. No. An enchilada. No. A taco!!"

Nadia: "My song is so sad someone has to sing it!"

Bri: "What happened to the chicken?"

Nadia: "It's not broken."

Jane: "Nadia, there's a hole in your pants."

Nadia: "Isn't it cute, though?"

Nadia: "I like my hole."

Jane: "Do you realize what that just sounded like?"

Nadia: "After I said it."

Nadia: "My roommate is naked! Just kidding..."

Jane: "My roommate is a nut!"

Nadia: "You are too! Don't give me that crap!"

Nadia: "I like you without a bra."

Nadia: "I wanna make out with a boy in a dream."
Jane: "I wanna make out with a boy in real life."

My Letter to Myself Vol.1 Iss.1

Dear Nadia,

I'm happy you are enjoying life and loving your roommates. I'm also happy you have started working on that paper, even though you have only written a page.
Our heart wants me to tell you that it's okay to let yourself feel what you're feeling and that you should stop torturing yourself about it.
Stop buying Oreos and ice cream or you will get fat and nobody will be able to carry you.
Keep watching Psych, I love that you like it so much already.
Mr. # wanted me to tell you that Bright Eyes has a new song and part of it applies to your situation with the new Mr. #:

Loving you is easy
I can do it in my sleep
I dream of you so often
It's like you never leave.

Our heart also says that the countdown will begin tomorrow. But for now, get out and go have fun with Bri.

Love,

Nadia