Sunday

Currently listening: I'd come for you by Nickelback

Sometimes all we need to do is find a reason to be happy, whichever it may be. A smile, a word, a note, a conversation, a text, something, anything. And then all the bad in our lives goes away for a minute, if only for a minute.

Go Away

My sister has decided to move to Park Plaza, not only to the complex but to my ward as well. Talk about hating something. I need space, I need my own little world, and she is not part of that little world. It was the same thing when she wanted to apply for my job and she asked me if she could, I said no, my work is my happy place, the only place where I can be myself and where actually being myself is a good thing. She didn't care about me saying no, she went ahead and applied. I know it sounds bad to say it but was I happy when I found out they wouldn't take her. Now she is moving to my ward. And I asked her, I begged her not to move, but she is so selfish she won't listen. I don't want to see her. I don't want to talk to her. I know it must sound like I hate her, but I don't. I just know that her presence is not good for me, it has never been good for me to have her close. She brings out the worst part of me. Being her sister has always been a challenge for me. Having her close has always been unbearable. When we are apart we are pretty good friends, but being close kills everything. And now she is back again. Back to haunt me. Like a nightmare from which I will never wake up.

Look at the sky

Currently listening: Change your mind by The Killers

Sometimes people just want to breathe. They need their space. And if you want to follow them around everywhere they go, it gets annoying. And then the drama. Please spare me the drama.

We're all the same
And love is blind
The sun is gone
Before it shines
And I said if the answer is no
Can I change your mind

What's broken can be fixed tonight

Currently listening: Embers and Envelopes by Mae

I passed out on Thursday at work. I wish I could remember what happened, but I don't. My mind is a blank. All I know is I was feeling light-headed and dizzy and I went to the bathroom to put some water on my head because that usually makes me feel better. I remember swiping my card to get back on the floor and then all I know is I woke up to Mitch, Sam and Lee's faces and I was laying on the hallway. My supervisors wouldn't let me drive back home, even if I had rested a while. While I rested in the break room, James came out to see how I was, Mitch texted me, Sam told me to take care of myself and to call if I needed something, Ixchel came to see me too. Mitch drove me home and since nobody was at my apartment, he stayed with me until one of my roommates came. It seems like he found me too. He told me he thought I was joking or something. So, he found me, he tried to wake me up, he drove me home, I couldn't thank him enough.

I went to see Twilight at midnight that same day. Talk about stupid movies. That's all I have to say. My friend drove since I was not in a good condition to drive. I didn't go to work on Friday. I wasn't feeling great at all. I sold my car. I paid off my debt. And I have never felt so free.

Again, thanks to everyone who worried about me on Thursday. I am so embarrassed about what happened. But in times like those is when you know who your real friends are.

Good News Minute

I have good news today.

First, I have sold my car. I am free. I can breathe. I will have it until the end of this week and then it will be bye bye, birdie. I will get the money, pay off my debt and transfer the title. I am so happy. One less thing to worry about.

Second, I have decided I will start publishing my novel. Yes, I am writing a novel. I have told my roommates and friends about this and that's why I will be posting it chapter by chapter as I write it. I need as much feedback as I can get. My book will be posted on a private blog, because I don't want everybody to read it yet. So if you want to be part of my little project, hit me with a comment here and give me your email address and I will add you to the authorized readers. I will very much appreciate it. There will be a point in time in which I will stop posting it, and I will focus on finishing it on my own. I'm not even sure if people will like it but I really need a lot of feedback at the beginning.

Third, I have decided to finally confront my illness, to stop pretending it's not there. I have hit rock bottom. On Sunday, my sister had to slap me to get me back to reality. I have decided I will be going to the doctor to get my drugs. I don't know when the first appointment will be. I have no time right now but I will figure something out. Maybe one day I will tell the world what my condition is, but that day is not today.

Did I ever tell you I hate the weekends?

I've been on campus the whole day, yeah, I know... on a Saturday. I had a lot to do. A lot of reading for NT and my CS lab, which I am done with. But I don't think it's as great as it could have been... except for the poster, haha, that one's awesome. So here is the link. I can still edit it, so if there are any suggestions, feel free to let me know. As for the rest of my Saturday... well, let's just say I am running solo, like I do every weekend. Meh.

Welcome to my life

Currently listening: Your Eyes Don't Lie by David Archuleta

I just realized how I am so stupid sometimes, how every awkward situation happens only in my mind, and how I tend to make everything harder than it has to be. I'll fix it. I just need to play it. I am finally keeping my thoughts from people. Nobody knows what happens in my little head. Nobody knows me that well. And I don't trust anyone completely.

Danielle is going to Idaho tomorrow. She doesn't know how much I'll miss her this weekend. She's always there for me, ready to listen and ready to never let me cry. Or if I'm crying, she's always there to hug me and say Let's go for a walk. Walks are good for me, they clear up my head. I never thought I would get to befriend roommates but Danielle has won me over. This weekend will be more than depressing without her.

Sometimes I wish people knew what goes on with me. How hard it is for me to smile. How I always want to cry. How I am dying a little every day. How I want to go back to where I come from. If people knew me. If they really did. If they could see the real me. But no one will, no one will ever know me. Welcome to my life, because this is as far as you'll go.

2 hours

I am running on 2 hours of sleep. I know. Crazy. Against all odds I think I aced my ISys Online Exam. It was all sort of complicated Excel crap and Visual Basic, but my name is not Nadia Reategui for nothing. I was born smart. Accounting was alright I guess, I got an 88 on my first test and I got another 88 on this last one. So all-nighters really work, for me that is.

Somehow, I always find time to blog. I saw Jason on campus tonight, he called me dear, I just thought it was funny. I saw James tonight too. On another note, I was thinking about September 2006-January 2007. I don't even know why. I buried the memories of those months, I shouldn't be digging on them anymore. It's not good for me.

And now it's time for a shoutout: Gaytri, congrats on getting a boyfriend! I told you, you are too pretty to be alone. Leave that to ugly girls like me. My eyes are failing me. I am off. Good Night.

The airport

No time for blogging. Yet I am here again. I am almost sure I'll fail tomorrow's online ISys exam and won't get a good grade on Accounting. Or I just won't sleep tonight. And I'll get decent grades tomorrow. Sounds like a plan. I need Mountain Dew. Or something to keep myself awake. Caffeine. I'll go to hell.

I thought about the airport analogy, and I have changed my answer. I never thought I would. I thought it was final. My mode has changed. Maybe the name of this blog should change too.

5 hours

I spent 5 long hours working on my sounds lab for my CS class. My TA loved it and said it was really good and she really liked it. Dude, even I am impressed about how well it turned out. I have no time to blog a lot today, I have Accounting and ISys kicking my trash's trash. So, make sure you check my lab because, seriously, it's awesome. So, go check it here.

Wednesday

I finally watched The Dark Knight, at the new Cinemark at the University Mall, I have just one word for the movie, AWESOME. Except for the clowns, I was really scared then. But the Joker, that performance was amazing.

I had to make a Power Point Presentation for my CS class. I made it about my top 8 favorite people that are NOT my family. You can check it out here.

Maybe One Day

I am a strange girl. I have weird thoughts. I do random things. I like imaginary situations. I daydream... a lot.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because my dreams wake me up. And right now, I am still waiting to wake up. Today was, I don't know how it was. Daydreamy, maybe? But dreams are just dreams. By day or by night. Something will wake you up. A fly, a honk, a scream, a laugh, or you will just wake up. And you can never go back to the dream you woke up from.

Today was sort of like that. A dream, and then she woke me up, with her annoying but true words. And I kept hearing it, the f word. O, how that brings you down. How that can take the happiest memory you have and turn it into a bad memory, a hurtful memory. A nightmare.

Just because you can get it. And I never will. Bring that memory back. Please, please, give me that silly smile back. It didn't last long enough.

I am a strange girl. I say no to stupid me. Maybe one day, I will grab it. Maybe one day, you will grab it. Maybe one day, we will grab them. I daydream a lot waiting maybe one day, the dream will never end.

They are just talking to themselves

I don't know why, they are just talking to themselves.

You think people want to use me to get close to you. You know, I am cool too. I have had so many issues thinking people don't like me, but you know, I think they do. I am actually nice. And I know what the limits are. I don't hurt them. And the reason they tell me stuff does not mean they just want to use me to get information about you. It might be that, but have you thought that maybe they like me for, geez, I don't know, me? You should sometimes think before you speak. Because if nobody told you, words hurt more than actions. And today you really hurt me.
And then they ask me why I don't like girls.

In honor of Harry Potter, my first carved pumpkin ever. And I did it all on my very own.

Can we take a ride?

Currently listening: Work by Jimmy Eat World

I have never been much into Halloween, mainly because we don't really celebrate that in Peru. My night was supposed to be staying in and doing nothing, maybe watch some TV and then go to sleep. But I guess there were other plans for me. First off, I am in the middle of something I don't want to be in the middle of. Second, I don't like parties. I don't like the annoying social activities that feel me with awkwardness. And I don't like big groups where I am bound to not be interesting. That's why I did it. And it was awesome. It was all me. I wish I could write it all. But maybe I'll tell you.