Have you ever felt like the whole world is spinning around you and you are staying behind? Everybody runs ahead of you achieving things and developing personally, spiritually and temporarily; but you don't seem to be doing anything about yourself.
Currently Listening: Cuando nadie me ve by Alejandro Sanz
I am sitting on a bench in a park I have never been to before. There are some kids playing in the playground. They seem to be having fun. They make me think of the time when I was little and had nothing to worry about. What happened to those years? It seems like they went by so fast I couldn't catch up.
I am turning 20 in exactly 36 days, and sometimes I think I have wasted all of those years. There are lots of times in which I say I am full of shattered dreams. My name means hope, what have I done with it? I haven't achieved anything. If I were a guy, I would be on my mission, and I would feel that at least I am doing something that will bless people, not just the ones I would be teaching but also their families, forever.
But what am I doing? Whose life am I blessing? Whose life have I changed? I have thanked so many people for being part of my life, for teaching me, for inspiring me to be better, but sometimes I wish I knew if I have made a difference in someone's life just for being there.
The Lord loves me, my family loves me too. I know they do, but what have I done to get that love? What have I done to pay them back for it? What am I doing? Sometimes I think I don't do any good in life. The friends I make, always leave me. They seem to never stick around forever. And I get scared, because why would you want to let someone in your life if you know they will leave? And your heart will be broken. And I don't mean a guy, but friends in general.
The world is spinning around me and everybody is running and I'm staying behind. The good thing is, like someone once told me, "It always has to go bad, before it can get better."
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